The single struggle of a serial monogamist

I don’t know what its like to be single

Like wha?

I’ve had a boyfriend since I was in the first grade, Craig and I used to sit across from each-other on the school bus and I'd write letters to him over the summer time and douse them in perfume and seal it with a kiss. We dated from first to fifth grade until my mother caught wind of it and made me break up with him, “you're too young to be worried about boyfriends enjoy being your age”, she said. And ruined my life!

In my young adult years I’ve been single all of 2 minutes and within that time I was still rekindling with exes, entertaining potential interests, and day dreaming about the next romantical man to sweep me off my feet.

“You're a serial dater”, my college best friend told me. And he wasn’t wrong. I’ve jumped from relationship to relationship with no time in between to breathe, reflect, or regroup. Exhausting one might think right? UHH YEAH!

Now that I am older I recognize just how draining constantly dating is for my soul. It's like a relay race where I’m my own teammates and opponents, running laps around myself.

Here I am at 27 years old. Single. It's creepy, uncomfortable, and lonely. It's like fasting when there’s a feast right in front of you. Mouth watering beautiful men all intellectual and vegan and shit seem to be appearing out the wood works, flexing their pecs and batting their enchanting eyes into my soul. Perfect timing, when I’m choosing to work on myself and be all independent and stuff! But its the universe testing me.

I’m learning the difference between eating for nourishment and eating because I’m freaking greedy and love a nice snack. I’m learning the reward in spending time with me and exploring myself without expectations or the reliance of the male gaze. I’m picking up books, and making dope ass girlfriends who are supportive, nurturing and beautiful. I feel like that pull ups commercial from the 90’s “mommy wow, I’m a big kid now!”. Learning and growing up.

I’m no guru or relationship expert but what I do know is the importance of filling your own cup. You can't give from a cup that isn’t full. And whenever the time comes for me to be in a healthy happy and oh so magical relationship with another it’ll be because the timing is right, I’ve done the work, and it's meant to be.

In the meantime, from one serial monogamist to the other. Take time for you. If not you’ll have no you left to give.

Peace and love

-Memoirs of a firebird